Sunday, December 27, 2015

Although your heart is full it can still be sad

I was thinking today deeply about my life and what I have and what I want from it. I have been very fortunate to have a loving man in my life and loving family and friends who support me but I still ache. I ache for my father and grandfather and step mother who were always there to tell me it will all be ok. Although now I have Dean who I love more than he'll ever know and my step father who tell me at are there for me and it will be ok. It's not the same but it means just as much. I still find my mind wandering to my father this time of year though. He loves Christmas and it happened to be his birthday. I was recently given a cookbook of his from a long time ago and it made me happy and sad at the same time. It made me wonder how would he feel about me now. Would he still be proud of me and what I've done in life? Could he be proud? I am not very good at this life thing and that's why I'm grateful for people who tolerate me. He had to love me ,others are not so obligated and so I am appreciative of that. I am no sweet peach, I'm full of fire and piss and vinegar when needed and sometimes when not. So when you see that person you love kiss them...hold them and love them like there is no tomorrow. Because....there may not be.

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