Tuesday, December 1, 2015

10 signs you're a Texan woman

I thought today how different Texas and Southern women are from most and so I compiled a list of ten things that distinguish us from most women. So here it goes....you know you're a southerner when...

1. You say things like honey, sweetie, sweetheart, bless your heart, bless your pea pickin heart, he's dummer than a box of rocks, she's as common as cornbread, are you shitin me?... etc.

2. Your purse is bigger than your hairdo...you know to hold your gun. ;)

3. Camo and bling are two of your most favorite things, sometimes even combined. That is what we call a two fer. If you have camo and bling on, then you're on Texas Fleek..you are the shiznet.

4. You can sport the biggest ass mum to homecoming , seriously these things are so big they need their own zip code. Nothing under 5ft and 24" wide will do!

5. NASCAR is a big deal...Tony Stewart and Jeff Gordon are idols here.

6. You own at least one pair of boots, have blingy jeans, and gaudy jewelry usually in silver and  turquoise.The gaudier the better or more Texan you are.

7. Your hair looks like Flo from Mel's diner , yes sadly people the majority of us haven't evolved from this look, the bigger the hair the more Southern the woman. Same rule applies to men's belt buckles. (ahem) I mean I was at Billy Bob's a few months back and was shocked by the amount of peacocks walking around. It looked like a Southern Baptist convention...the only way you could find my short little ass in this field of dreams was if I jumped up and down with a flash light.

8. George Straight, Alan Jackson, Dwight Yokum, Hank Williams Jr and Brooks and Dunn are on your playlist on your ipod.

9. You are 5ft but drive a 20 ft tall truck and need a step ladder to climb in. The tires are bigger than you are.

and finally #10!!!

10. While most women carry their jackets or leashes,you carry a gun to walk your dogs, shop, run, well hell honey you just always carry a gun and you damn sure know how to use it.

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