Thursday, October 15, 2015

I love you to the moon and back...

Did you ever just look at that one person and think, are we going to be together forever,is this the one? God I hope it is.Did you ever just wonder am I going to be alone forever or is this the person I am going to move to the country with, live and die with?That's the beauty of life I guess and also the tragedy you never know, you never really know where life is going to take you until it does and then just you just have to grab on, like you're on a roller coaster and hang on like hell until you get through it.There's ups and downs and everything in between and its scary as hell. I know, I'm terrified sometimes but then I look at that person and  pray that they'll love me forever and that I'll love him forever and that we'll be ok.Then I get scared that he'll see right through me and maybe he won't like what he sees and then I will be alone because he couldn't love me ,but if I couldn't have him I don't think I want anybody else, he's all there is for me I don't think he knows that.


When he reads this it may scare him but I think he needs to know how truly special he is to me and that I can't imagine spending my life with anybody else but then again a year ago I wouldn't imagine my life the way it is now.  He's not rich and I'm not rich but together we could have more than we ever dreamed of.He's smart and funny and he makes me laugh and those are really the important things in life when you pay attention to someone, when you do things with them; money isn't the object, money is unimportant.It's the life you live together is what counts, when you are there for one another money is just a filler. However people's actions determine how the future goes and we will just see. I have learned through all this to take life one day at a time and that's all I can do. Something changed in me with this older age or with the divorce I'm not sure which but I know now why I went through all that I did. I went through it to learn and grow as a person and to decide what it is I truly want from life. Through the cancer scare, the divorce, the drugs and drinking and all the messes in between , I learned a valuable lesson.

Life is short, it is what we make of it and if you are one to sit there and complain about life and how it has cheated you, you're wrong in my humble opinion. You cheated you , not life...you.
We are the makers of our fate, we subconsciously make decisions that impact our lives and we learn from these choices. I have grown and although it was and has been a long hard road I get it now. Only I can make myself happy and pray that others around me just flow and ebb with my changing tides and I with theirs. If there comes a point in life that we do not mesh, it is okay to let go now. I tried for too long to cling to what wasn't there anymore and all it did was make me miserable. I won't do that again, just because you let someone go in your life doesn't mean you don't love them,it means you love yourself more.....and that's what is important, isn't it?

In closing I would like to quote Oscar Wilde a man who had a way with words and one of my favorite writers. There really are no mistakes in life, only learning experiences.

 "Experience is the name we give our mistakes" - Oscar Wilde

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