Tuesday, September 15, 2015

It's okay to lose your shit!

People have been asking me, "How are you?' and I usually say fine, ok, good but that's a lie and we all know it. The truth is I'm far from fine, ok and good and it's more like I'm scared, sad, anxious and exhausted. There is no good answer when you are going through a separation, no good anything really. I have people come up to me and say "I'm so sorry hon" and I think that's nice but sorry for what? I am and he is also free of the drama now.It is like someone died though and you do mourn unless you're really glad it's over like some people feel or act. I am not glad it's over and I am in some ways, sometimes change is a good thing and we all need that. I just don't like it ,being a Scorpio we don't like it, it's a thing but I will adapt as I always have and survive.

This morning I wasn't very adaptable though or last night. Last night my kid is throwing life changes at me I cannot handle on top of my own at the moment. She wants to switch jobs and right now that is not a good idea as our life is up in the air. I said just wait till we get settled then we can decide, I have altered my work schedule to fit hers and now is not a good time. She's a teen and you can imagine how that went down, the concept of NO eludes them and well I lost my shit. 
This morning I wake up and simply do not want to leave my bed, I want to hide under those covers forever and make all this magically better but that isn't going to happen. So I pick my ass up and go make coffee to which the Keurig wants to be a bitch, unknowing that I'm a bigger one. Now I don't know how many times is the standard protocol to hit a Keurig before it works but this morning it was 3 just for future reference. I got my shitty, watered down coffee by God! Then I went to the bedroom and screamed. I screamed so loud the neighbors probably thought I was getting murdered. I cried and yelled and screamed and let it all go..in other words I lost my shit and you know what...that's okay ladies to lose your shit every once in a while. In fact I encourage it, meditation ain't got nothing on yelling so loud glass breaks. 

There is something liberating about it, it's like all that anger you have pent up, that rage, that sadness, that resentment for the way things should be in your eyes, it all goes away. You scream and cry and then you feel better and move the fuck on. For those of you going through this right now I tell you ...
IT WILL BE OKAY. I promise you it will, we feel like our world is crumbling and it is, but we also have the strength deep within us to rebuild it and make it better. I talked to a friend yesterday who is going through this too and I felt for her, but I want her to know that it will be okay, she will be okay, I will be okay and it is okay to occasionally just LOSE YOUR SHIT. 

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