Friday, July 10, 2015

Empty inside

I feel empty, I can't draw because nothing comes to mind, I can't write because I draw a blank. All I have are my thoughts and they are scattered. Now instead of being creative I am violent, angry, torn. I am not the same person anymore, I am stronger, wiser, lonelier, meaner than the person I used to be. My passion now isn't singing or drawing or writing anymore but instead it's shooting and throwing knives and survival techniques and lifting. Who have I become? I stare in the mirror sometimes and wonder who this person is staring back at me. I could be surrounded by people yet still feel all alone. I have shut everyone out of my life that I am close to and I have alienated myself quite successfully. I don't like to go out anymore but seem to like to be introverted. I hold in the tears because I don;t have time for feelings, I push them down because that's what you do to survive and if anything I am a survivor. I guess that also means being alone with these feelings. Hopefully this will pass.

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