Tuesday, June 16, 2015

When Parents are the Children Again....

I've been thinking a lot lately about my mother and her mortality. Recently she fell and was rushed to the emergency room and x rayed to find out she broke her spine in several places, not only that but she was diagnosed with osteoporosis. This was really no surprise since that runs in my family, my grandmother had it and eventually died from complications from it. Her poor body just gave out.
All of this has made me think about my mom, her time left here and our mortality. I have also recently had several friends of mine bury their mothers and grandparents who raised them which led me to think about how we, the children are now the adults.

When did this happen? I mean I swear one day we were in high school, then college, then raising our own children and next planning our parents medical and funeral needs. Where did the time go? Can I have some back please? It's a terrible and hard thing to go through for any child, that moment you realize that you are now the parent and have to be responsible for the needs of them instead them caring for you. Planning hospital care or funeral arrangements is one of the hardest things to do. You stop and ask yourself, what the hell happened? How did I get here? This can't be happening to me, but it is unfortunately and it's all too real.

I am now asking myself all those question and more, I am making more of an effort to see my mother while I still have time with her. She is not eating as she should due to pain and we have more tests to run to see how bad the osteoporosis has ravaged her frail body. She weighs about 100 lbs now and is the weakest I have ever seen this fierce woman. This woman that I look at is not my mother anymore, my mother has already died inside, she looks defeated, tired and just plain over it. For any of you that knew my mother when I was growing up ,know that she was a quick tempered, spitfire of a woman. I inherited that as well, she was full of vigor and determination, but somewhere that was lost along the way. Time and age took over and slowly beat her at this game of life. It's very hard to see her like this and as bitchy as this woman was I would give anything to see her that way again with all her fire,because it kills me to see her this way.

One of my funniest memories of her is when I pissed her off and I was in the back seat of the car with some friends and she swung her hand back to hit me with those claws of hers and hit me and my friends as we tucked our feet up in the back seat to escape her. Then it wasn't funny but now it is. She didn't care she'd whip everyone's ass that was in the way. That was my mom, full of piss and vinegar and I wouldn't change her for the world. My mom and I are not close like my sister and her, but I love her none the less.

 She has my step father to help her and I feel for him as well because he has to slowly watch the woman he loves slip away from him a little at a time like sand through his hands. I pray for him and her and that they find strength to battle this. He has been good to her and us and has helped us throughout our lives more than once. He gave me away at my wedding and helped raise my sister. I have a lot of admiration and respect for him because he didn't have to do any of this, he chose to and has done an outstanding job, he isn't perfect but neither is my mother as you all know.  So with this I leave you a reminder. Cherish your parents no matter how crazy, imperfect or distant they are because one day you will be alone, no family left except the one you created and then it will really hit hard as it has with me.