Saturday, May 30, 2015

Drops of Jupiter....


Love is not what we always expect it to be. I will repeat that in case any of you missed it. Love..is..not..what..we..expect..it...to..be. Repeat this to yourself over and over again if you feel yourself falling for that special person. I know I sound jaded and cynical and guess what I am 100%!
After all the things and people I've been through in life I have earned it baby, every, last,bit.

We make this thing up in our head that it's supposed to be magical when when kiss them, that we should feel a spark instead of a boner, but the reality is that's stupid. There is no spark, that "spark" you feel is just synopsis exploding in our brain because of adrenaline from the rush of something new and unexplored. Ten year or even five or less down the road and that "spark" becomes a fizzle , then  flat lines. ^^^^__^^______. This is why so many relationships fail, mine included...no I am not immune. We all go into it heart and soul ,excited and eager to learn everything we can about this person, we are so blinded by "love" that all the imperfections we see in that person or red flags are overlooked,until later when the "spark" fizzles and then it's all we can see. You know that cute quirky little thing your girl did like leave the lid off the toothpaste or shaved with your razor and you overlooked,well guess what...you want to kill her now for it. That thing your guy used to do ladies like when he was driving and biting his nails or wouldn't let his food touch each other on the plate that you thought was so quirky well it isn't now is it? NO! It's not , if you admit it to yourself its so fucking annoying you want to pic up the fork on the plate and stab his hand with it! 

All these little things that make us smile and blush fade with time and all that's left is dust. Remnants of what used to be and we try so desperately to get it back,but it's impossible to do. That ship has sailed that ship is gone and you're left standing on the shore alone with your feet in the sand and a ticket in your hand. what is so horrible about love is that we can't control it.We can't pick and choose who we want to fall for, it happens before we know it. Trying to not fall in love with someone is like trying to take a shower with a bandaid and trying not to get it wet.That bitch is gonna be saturated by  the end of it all, then you have to rip it off and start over. if you pull real quick the pain is minimal or if you're a masochist like me you take your time and savor the pain.

In short love sucks, love is the destroyer of worlds, love is not life though and I encourage you for your sanity to avoid it at all costs. Move to the mountains, Alaska, a secluded island hide from it if you can, because if you don't it will tear you apart from the inside out worse than any bullet ever could.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Depression...no one wants to deal with it


How many of you look at me and think "Yeah, that girl looks depressed." Yeah, that's what I thought. No one "looks" like they suffer from it, we just do. It's a serious and debilitating disease of the mind, right up there with Bi-Polar disorder and both diseases do have medicine that you can take to calm the effects, although sometimes that doesn't help. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for years and every year I age it becomes harder to climb out of the hole. People that see me wouldn't guess that I take medication to try and stabilize myself ,they wouldn't see how truly broken I am inside , because people like me who suffer from it hide it with the biggest ,sweetest smile we can muster in an effort to pretend it's all ok. Mostly it's really no one's fault that we are sad, sometimes it a hormonal imbalance, sometimes it's stress, drugs or sometimes people do add to this depression. Try to limit your contact with those people that make you feel hopeless or sad.

We don't want to be labeled "emo" or "debbie downers" so we hide our feelings and bottle them up inside in an effort to "fit in" this only intensifies the anxiety however that boils within us until it spills out in the form of tears, withdrawal, anger and suicidal thoughts or actions. Most people have no idea we are sad because we are so good at faking it that no one is there to help us. We alienate ourselves and feel trapped in our feelings, alone and docile, because we have given up. We literally break our souls in pieces and it is very hard to glue them all back. We deem ourselves unlovable, bitchy, mean, unworthy of happiness. I have even had a few friends in recent years commit suicide out of the blue it seemed ,because they felt so alone in their sadness and despair ,even when surrounded by loved ones. I believe my mother suffers from this as well and I am currently trying to deal with it so it will not destroy her and those around her.So I am going to tell you some of the signs to look for, so that hopefully you can avoid a catastrophic event from occurring.

  • Alcoholism - Drinking more than usual ,excessively
  • Reckless behavior
  • Dramatic loss of Appetite or the opposite eating too much (emotional eating)
  • Anger, irritability , lashing out at loved ones
  • Lack of focus, memory loss, zoning out
  • Insomnia or sleeping too much , always tired after resting , lack of energy
  • Withdrawal, stop participating in daily activities, social gatherings hobbies etc..
  • Anxiety- secludes one self away to avoid social situations, loss of interest in hobbies,family members, spouses
 Seek help for them or yourself, remove yourself out of bad situations that can add more stress or anxiety to this. Above all I want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are many people that suffer from this myself included ,but we can beat this and not become a slave to it. It is mind over matter and YOU DO MATTER. I am here for you if you need me and if for some reason you don't want to talk about it then go to your doctor and get the medication you need to help fight it before it consumes you or someone you know. God bless and good vibes your way. Namaste