Sunday, December 28, 2014

Not really in love but the idea of love



I was listening to a song this evening by Justin Bieber, yeah I know fucked up but still listen to the words;and as I was sitting there my thoughts drifted to all the different relationships I had in my life. Yes it was a short list and full of douche bags, but all necessary douches. Why do I refer to them as douches? Well that's simple they cleansed my system of ever considering dating them or anyone like them again.....I.e douches

I was in one that was abusive both physically and verbally, that constantly put me down and even to this day I have low self esteem at times because of it. I was in love with or thought I was with one that had drug problems all the while I tried to fix him only to realize that I became broke in the process and had to walk away for my sanity, one that used me for his personal entertainment and tossed me like yesterdays news when his needs were fulfilled ,but had me addicted to him in some strange way because he made me feel beautiful; although that ship finally sailed thank God. Finally I met my husband now and realized just how many losers there are out there and sometimes you have to go through a few frogs to get to the prince.

Come on girls and guys we've all had those people in our lives,the ones you just can't seem to shake, the ones that melt your heart at first with those butterflies or the ones you realized you accidentally fell in love with all the while saying "oh shit" because you know it's going to end badly for you, but we stay and put up with the abuse and neglect only to be let down again and again.

But you know what? THOSE PEOPLE WERE NECESSARY! Yes, I know it sounds crazy but it's true.The universe or God whichever you believe in put those people in your path, in your life for a reason. As completely fucked up as that is, it's totally true. Those people crossed our paths because we needed to learn a lesson from them.Really sit there and think about it. One taught me that I will not put up with abuse, the other taught me I have no room for drugs in my life or my childs life, one taught me that I am more than just your toy to play with my emotions as you feel, that I AM MORE and that HE was less and didn't deserve me and so I could move on.

It makes us stronger and though we may have believed we were in love with these people mostly we were in love with the idea of being loved. when they couldn't give us that ,we eventually moved on and in future relationships if we're smart we could pick up on the subtle hints or "red flags" that we had in previous relationships so that we can steer clear of them.Remember that we are human and we only grow by learning. So I will leave you with this one of my favorite authors famous quote: "Experience is the name we give our mistakes" -Oscar Wilde


Footnote: At the top of the screen you can disable the song bar or pause it so that you can hear this video. :)

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