Thursday, October 30, 2014

So much feeling what do I do with it?

I have been feeling very emotional lately, actually I have been emotional most of my life. You see I am an empath and for those of you that don't know what that is, it is defined as this :
noun: empath; plural noun: empaths
  1.  a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

Unfortunately it also means I am usually an emotional wreck. I feed off of others emotions and in the process put aside my own and when they come spilling out it cripples me for a few days. I shut down and withdraw from the world and it's emotions.
 Currently I feel an overwhelming amount of love and I just want to share it with everyone. Not the lustful kind but just hugging being a hippie and kinda losing it love. I feel so much right now.I miss my step mom, I currently feel distraught over the way my maternal mother is with me and although I know she loves me in her own way ,it's not the love a daughter deserves. I don't want to bash her because she is my mom,but I feel so alone sometimes because she's not been there when I needed her and my step mother was. Now I have no one to turn to when I'm lost and confused. We all get this way though and I deal with it by sucking it up and moving on and being a bitch sometimes because what else am I gonna do?

I feel everything all at once and it eventually leaves me feeling numb. Some days I want to give out my love to everyone and when I do I sometimes get hurt in return when it is not reciprocated. Some people shut down,avoid me and act cold. I do not like this and I ultimately pay the price and grow bitter and resentful. Not very attractive is it? 

I don't really know why I am writing about this other than to get it off my chest. Blogging is a form of therapy for me and I just feel better sharing myself with the world than repressing myself. I may not be smart like a college graduate, but I feel what you feel and when you need someone I am there if I know you are hurting. I would have been a good counselor I think if it wasn't for me taking on everyone's problems. Just remember if you don't hear from me it's just because I'm withdrawn and it would be nice if someone would be there for me.

I leave you with this link to help understand me better.

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