Sunday, October 12, 2014

I am not a morning person

So here it is 5 am and I'm sleeping on the couch after my surgery last week because it's the only comfortable place and I suddenly hear a happy chirping.  Oh no it's 5 am shut the hell up you happy fucking bird. I lay there for a few minutes more and it starts again. What? No I'm trying to sleep. The bird doesn't care it's happy and chirpy and fixing to die little does it know. After about the 4th time I hear it I decided to get up and make it shut up.  I go out front  at 5:30 in the morning and pick up a plastic  planter and with me having surgery toss it as far as I can at the damn tree near my window. It slams into the fence and misses my mark and in retaliation the little fucker chirps at me (chirp chirp)  quickly followed by the sound of a fucking rooster two streets over. Only the rooster isn't at my window this happy ass bird is.

Oh you're dead you son of a bitch. I look up and see the moon still in the sky and it's dark outside. Why is this bird fucking awake?  He starts on that chirping  again so I think bb gun , yes we have a bb gun. Ooooo just let me get a hold of it and you're dead! I go to the garage half asleep trying to remain so , so that I might get to sleep again then I see the bb gun. I go over to it tripping over useless shit in the garage and I can't reach it. (Short people problems ) I've had surgery so I'm not going to reach for it..fuck this , I'm out. I go back inside and say fuck it the bird has stopped for now so I start to sleep again. That's when I hear it again (chirp chirp chirp).
Well you little bastard I  have no choice to lose my shit. I'm  tired and need sleep. I go outside armed with plastic dishes , planter pots and water bottles and proceed to chunk that shit at this tree . Surgery or not I am  nailing this shit. Finally with the last water bottle I  hit it and he goes flying out of the tree tripping out never to come back.  I'm  sure he'll shit on my car later but for today i can sleep. I win ...you lose...fuck you stupid bird. Wait I'm awake now..who won? Well fuck

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