Friday, October 31, 2014

The fun and easy side of smart phones today.

In a world full of computers and smart phones it is sometimes hard to have any social skills or any kind of a life but in the same aspect it has also made life much easier. Take these for example, I'm going to give you a short list of what your smartphone can do for you if you don't already know; It's truly amazing. 

Did you know that they have a Walgreens and CVS application you can download to your phone via your play store and it has the ability to scan your prescriptions to fill them? You literally sit there and do nothing but hold your camera to your pill bottle scan code. You can also shop and upload pics to the photo department.

  I wouldn't do that though for the photos when you can get a much cheaper deal at at Groovebook you can upload a hundred photos from your phone and have them mailed to you in a neat tear away book for only 2.99! That includes shipping! Amazing isn't it?

ATT has my AT&T bill pay app that you can log into to pay your bill from your phone or you can also get a TXT 2 PAY set up and then ATT will send you a text to pay your bill. You simply text back pay and they use the credit card you have on file with them. Easy simple and fast.No over seas rep you can't understand, just convenient and easy.

State Farm has an app as well called Pocket Agent. You log on and pay right there from your phone anywhere and anytime.  You never have to miss a bill again and to make sure you don't you can schedule these in your calendar as reminders like I do. 

They have Chromecast as well where you buy the plug in at Walmart or Best Buy and plug it into the HDMI port in the back or side of your t.v. then you download the Chromecast app via your play store and you can stream music,watch YouTube or Netflix from your phone to your t.v. That is fun especially for parties.
Geocaching is a new trend as well where you can download a Geocache application and it shows you where people in your area have hidden small treasures that you go look for and then you replace that treasure with one of your own for someone else to find. This is fun for the family, just be sure that there is always an adult present when you do this as in today's world you never know.
There are so many new apps out there today that you can enjoy and make life fun and simple. So go ahead and give your app store a look....see what you find.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Why I loved toxic people

Coming from a childhood where I was raised in an alcoholic environment where it was more beneficial to run and hide than to seek attention, I now find myself seeking it as an adult.This can be dangerous to a relationship if you are in one and if you're not it can cause you to be in a toxic one. Let's take me for an example.

There were times when I was a child that I can remember the fighting between my step father and mom,both drinking,both unstable.My real father was never in the picture they divorced when I was only two. Anyways, I remember having friends spend the night only to have to leave the house at 12 am and go sleep in the car with them and my mom because he was drinking again and ready to fight. It was embarrassing to say the least and at times, scary. There was even an instance where they were physically fighting and he pulled a gun on her only to point it at me when I screamed "NO!" He then yelled at me saying that my mother was a bitch and for me to repeat it. I was 7 years old and that memory has stayed with me forever. Some things you just can't forget.

I wondered why she stayed with him after that, why would you subject yourself to that, or your child? I lost a lot of respect and love for her that day and every day after since. My biological mother and I are not close like most mothers and daughters, I never knew that love,that bond was something I would never have with her.I suppose that's why I so desperately sought love and acceptance from people only to be let down each time.You see, us children of drug addicts and alcoholics constantly feel the need to belong ,to be approved of, to be loved. We need this so much sometimes, that we go out into the world and subconsciously seek out someone who has the same qualities as our abusive parents. We try to impress them or get them to love us like we wished our true parents did.I know it sounds psychotic but it's true. I have seen myself do this many times and when we tell ourselves we are not good in relationships, it is partially true.

I for instance ended up in a physically abusive relationship with my first love who I ended up marrying at 16 in an effort to escape my mother. I then divorced many years later at 23 with a two year old daughter to care for on my own, only to end up with a pothead who cheated on me.I finally after 3 years went to AL-ANON at a local church during my lunch breaks in an effort to remove myself from the relationship. Since I was a co-dependent person it was very hard on me and my child.After remaining single a while I finally met the husband I have now and he has been a blessing to me and my daughter for the past 10 years. AL-ANON helped me I believe, to love myself so that I could choose a better life.

 Unless we get to the root of our problems and resolve them we will continuously seek out destructive partners in an attempt to feel some sort of approval or love, hoping subconsciously that it will heal the past,but the past cannot be rewritten and we need to learn to close our wounds not create more.When we are in relationships we still sometimes have that feeling of emptiness.this is the need that we must feed to feel whole. Especially if our partner isn't paying attention to us, we will seek attention out elsewhere. We need to feel connected to someone, we need to feel wanted because we didn't as children.

With that being said, please look to yourself for love in the future if you are constantly having failed relationships. Seek a counselor to help you work through your issues ,so you don't draw those sorts of people to you. Join your local AL-ANON if you need to remove yourself from a relationship that has drugs or alcohol in it. They helped me down some rough roads and I felt a connection to those people, as we were in the same boat.

 It wasn't until I started looking at myself and what I wanted out of life did I realize how to heal. This took several years and I am still not perfect. I was just lucky enough to have drawn an individual to me this time that treated me with love and kindness not contempt or abuse. Unfortunately there are so many others that are not as lucky.


Here is a link to Al-ANON to help start the healing process if you are in a toxic relationship you want to escape but just can't seem to leave. It's hard I know ,I've been there and was in it for 3 years too long but there is help for you and hope. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 
the courage to change the things I can 
and the wisdom to know the difference.

So much feeling what do I do with it?

I have been feeling very emotional lately, actually I have been emotional most of my life. You see I am an empath and for those of you that don't know what that is, it is defined as this :
noun: empath; plural noun: empaths
  1.  a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

Unfortunately it also means I am usually an emotional wreck. I feed off of others emotions and in the process put aside my own and when they come spilling out it cripples me for a few days. I shut down and withdraw from the world and it's emotions.
 Currently I feel an overwhelming amount of love and I just want to share it with everyone. Not the lustful kind but just hugging being a hippie and kinda losing it love. I feel so much right now.I miss my step mom, I currently feel distraught over the way my maternal mother is with me and although I know she loves me in her own way ,it's not the love a daughter deserves. I don't want to bash her because she is my mom,but I feel so alone sometimes because she's not been there when I needed her and my step mother was. Now I have no one to turn to when I'm lost and confused. We all get this way though and I deal with it by sucking it up and moving on and being a bitch sometimes because what else am I gonna do?

I feel everything all at once and it eventually leaves me feeling numb. Some days I want to give out my love to everyone and when I do I sometimes get hurt in return when it is not reciprocated. Some people shut down,avoid me and act cold. I do not like this and I ultimately pay the price and grow bitter and resentful. Not very attractive is it? 

I don't really know why I am writing about this other than to get it off my chest. Blogging is a form of therapy for me and I just feel better sharing myself with the world than repressing myself. I may not be smart like a college graduate, but I feel what you feel and when you need someone I am there if I know you are hurting. I would have been a good counselor I think if it wasn't for me taking on everyone's problems. Just remember if you don't hear from me it's just because I'm withdrawn and it would be nice if someone would be there for me.

I leave you with this link to help understand me better.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Things people do that irritate me in my household

As I was washing  dishes tonight I saw something that irritated me and a few others
I know ,so it then struck me that I should blog about it and see if these are common occurrences in your homes too? So without further adieu I present to you ten things that drives me bonkers at home!
1. When you're fixing to wash the dishes off and you can't find the sponge because your damn kids threw it in the bottom of the sink! It's disgusting when I have to reach down through all those dishes to get a damn sponge.
2. Leaving recyclables out on the counter instead of making a half turn and throwing them in the recycling bin...ugh really! 
3. Forgetting constantly to fill up the dogs food and water. I swear I am the only one here that does it. If I ever die call PPS pet protective services because they dogs will starve.
4. Toilet paper people!  Seriously how hard is it to put on the holder. You're picking it up to wipe your lazy ass so just take that extra step to place it on the holder. .literally right there in front of you. -_-
5. When the last person to stuff something in the trash knows that it is now full, but shuts the lid anyways and walks away leaving it for me to take out or bitch at someone to take out. Same with recycling (see above ) and that's why recycles get left on counter.
6. My kids love to take a 20 minute long shower, steam up the house, then drip water all over the floor at which point I walk in to use the bathroom and step in it in my socks! There is no grosser feeling than wet socks except when the dogs leave the puddle. Ewww
7. When the kids load the dishwasher and don't  clean off the counters. Ummm hello? Cleaning the kitchen means cleaning the counters too! That's like me looking at the cell phone bill but never paying it . Which btw may happen next time they forget to clean the counters. Then shit will get done around here!
8. Texting my husband an important grocery item after he already left for the store only to find his phone going off on the counter because he forgot it again. -_-  No dessert for you! Or any of us now for that matter. Hey and don't judge me dessert is important in this house.
9. Drinking all or most of the milk only to leave a millimeter  of it in the jug and then stick it back in the fridge.Then I go to get some milkfor my cereal and nada! Same with the cereal boxes, omg I swear if I find this again I am going to empty out all the snack and cereal boxes and watch them lose it when they go to get their favorite snack. How ya like them apples?!
And # 10 finally! Drum roll please / \/ \/ \/ \/ \
10. When they don't put things back where they belong! The other day I was looking for the IB profin and it was in my daughter's room as is everything else! I swear I walk into that place and it looks like the damn 7 eleven. She's got snacks, toilet paper,  cereal, candies and drinks all over that damn thing. I'm just going to open  her window and start selling stuff to the school kids as they pass by and turn a profit.
Anyways  it feels better that got this off my chest and now some of you out there no longer feel alone in this struggle to maintain ones sanity in a household full of craziness.

Feel free to leave a comment on what drives you nuts.;-) After all it's free therapy man.

Childhood officially ruined

Ok so today I was surfing the internet and I happen to come across this link.
It explains how our childhood was not so innocent and how we were really being  subconsciously coaxed into a life of sex. 
Sounds incredulous right? Take a look at that link and see for yourself. He has a very valid point and all along we never knew. Wow just wow! So now I think I'll be watching Nemo and Mickey Mouse a little closer for my grand babies.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Being an adult...making time for us

We adults do little these days to make time for ourselves and family. There just never seems to be enough time in our week to do this. Ah ha but there is, you just have to eliminate some of the minor things to make time.

My friend who has kids and is married was saying that she misses the gym. She used to go seven days a week but works so much now that she can't. Now although that's great it's also unrealistic,but she can go 3 times a week even 4 and not seem selfish if she plans dinners ahead of time or if her hubby helps her. There is always a way to make time if we are desperate enough.It's not selfish to want time to yourself to go to the gym or paint or hike or to do whatever you feel that makes you a better you.We all deserve this "down time" or we may drive ourselves to the brink of insanity!

I know I know you say I've got kids, practice, dinners to fix, I've got to clean the house or mow the yard all while you have some monsters clawing at your leg for more cereal and milk. Screaming at you that the dog got out or school and life isn't fair or a teenager that doesn't know how to plan a head so she's screaming at the last damn minute "I need to go to the store for a project due tomorrow!"  while you scream " DAMMIT WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE A BANK AND A TAXI.?WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME IN ADVANCE?!"While you are pulling out your hair,trying too get dressed to go to the store when secretly you're just wanting a bottle of whiskey or rum just to drown out the constant demands and wishing she would just quit stealing your fucking makeup and clothes and get a job!. Ahem sorry I got carried away, where was I ?Ah yes making time for our selves is ever so important so that we don't go all psycho dad or bi polar mom on our kids. Remember if we are good to ourselves we will be good to them.

So if you want to go do something for an hour or two three times a week for yourself then do it. Come on you can skip cleaning the house it won't explode I promise, someone else can cook one night or you can plan ahead and make a meal for the next evening while you do your thing. It's all about what is truly important to us, what we make a priority. Don't make excuses to not live your life because one day you''ll wake up and it will have passed you by.

Manners and Chivalry aren't dead but they may be on life support

My friends and I were sitting around the fire pit the other night and we seemed to get on the subject of manners and being chivalrous. Well being Southern goes hand in hand usually with manners and chivalry , not to say that Yankees are rude, but I will say that they are very blunt. See we Southern folk like to usually sugar coat shit for you.

Take for instance a situation like a person losing their job. A Southerner will start a fund for them or we all make some food and take it over, help you find a job, we mow your yard for you if you're sick or just can't get to it.We treat you like family, we say" Bless your heart" instead of what a dumb ass or "sorry about your luck". We plow the other's field for them if they are terminal and can't do it or are very ill. Southerners will take in people they don't know just because it's the Christian thing to do. 

We are very religious here in the bible belt, that is no joke. We believe in loving one another, helping out your brother or sister and going to church on Sunday's. Church is a big thing here yes and if you don't go, well you may be going to hell they'd say. We also love our bar-b-ques, , family and beer. Beer is big here, God do we love our beer. We even have a few pubs that have nothing but beers on tap from Texas only.

Texas, Oklahoma and most Southern  men open doors for their ladies if they are truly country or a gentleman. Most men raised here in the south were raised to open doors and assist women in any way they needed: to be chivalrous and run to someones aid when they need help; which is not something New Yorkers do for sure. Not to say that there are not feminists here because I know a few but the majority here is good ol' boys. I for one enjoy that, I am not a feminist; yes we should make equal pay if we do the same job, we should all be held to the same standards but that doesn't mean if some guy  wants to pay for dinner and open my door for me that I'm going to be rude and say hell no.
It's a sign of respect for you, he wants to nurture you and love you and be your defender and for you girls out there who don't want that, well that's just sad to me that you wouldn't want someone to have your back. It doesn't make you weak it makes you feel loved.We women all want a knight in shining armor then bitch about it when we get him, saying he's sexist,get over yourselves please and stfu for the rest of us that really want it.

I raise my step son to treat a woman with respect and to always defend her, never to hit her and always talk respectfully to her and your elders. This is what Southerners do and if you don't your ass get's whipped.Hell my grandma even made me pick my switch! That is not the case in so many cities these days, everyone is so afraid to teach their kid respect and discipline and likely why the crime rate is higher than back 20 years ago or even 30 years. Kids need discipline and to learn respect and it's up  to us to teach them chivalry, and girls to act like ladies not sluts like they do these days. We need to teach them to respect themselves and others or we are doomed as humans. If we could only pull our head out of our ass and look away from the phone for an hour or two to see what's really going on with them, then just maybe,  we will have some hope. 

Pay attention to your kids guys, take their phone away put yours away for 2 hours out of the day just to have dinner ,talk or watch a show together. Don't allow them to text or talk on the phone when you are speaking to them.Teach them respect, chivalry and manners.

Over time its meaning has been refined to emphasize social and moral virtues more generally, and the Code of Chivalry as it stood by the Late Middle Ages was a moral system which combined a warrior ethosChristian virtue and courtly manners, all conspiring to establish a notion of honor and nobility.[4]

Friday, October 24, 2014

Why I love Halloween

Halloween has to be one of my favorite days of the year although you couldn't tell that by looking at my house. I never really decorate for it, but I love to dress up for it. I love the fact that you can be anything you want this time of year. It's the one time you can bring out some of your inner demons and not be judged for it; it's an escape from the reality of our hum drum or hectic lives. We can be that slutty nurse out in public instead of just in the bedroom or that scary ugly monster because that's what's really on the inside sometimes when you only see the outside as beautiful.

I am sad that this year I am not well enough to attend a friend of mine's annual Halloween party like I usually do because of my surgery,but maybe if there is one in the future I can. I always had fun planning my costumes for this party. The neighbors got together and all talked about what we were going to be for it well in advance and by advance I mean in August we were talking about it.

When I was a child I loved dressing up. Do you remember those God awful plastic flammable costumes we had and the masks that damn near smothered us? Then going out and trick o treating in the neighborhood or being poor like I was we would drive over to the "rich kids" neighborhood and get candy from them. They always had the good candy while we had the cheap stuff.. LOL
At school we would have parties and the room mother would come and decorate and pass out stuff for us.We got to wear our costumes to school and there was no fear of weapons or offending someone's religious rights; we weren't so politically correct. God what happened? It was an awesome day,better than Christmas to me.I loved it when I got to see my mom there too.

So this Halloween bring out your inner demon and let loose after all it's the one day out of the year that you can be free to be yourself. I invite you to post a Halloween picture from the past on my Facebook page under this blog if you would like. I don't think you can post it to Blogger. I love seeing all the awesome creative costumes and ones that bring back memories.
It's the one day a year you can be creative and childlike and it's totally acceptable. So with that I will leave you with this picture of me as a child at one of my favorite parties at school and a few others of Halloween's past .I was in first grade and many of you that are in this picture I still keep in contact with. :) In case you can't see me in the school pics , I'm the only white girl.LOL

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Excuse me but you're not skinny enough

I was chatting with a friend the other day when she was down about her weight. Now this girl doesn't have a problem with weight she is actually a tiny thing but even then she still thinks she needs to be smaller.
This kind of mindset is sadly the mindset of most women big and small. Everyone is always harping on the fact that we want big women to lose weight and in doing so overlook the ones that are tiny little things but still feel obese. This is a serious problem people. I have experienced it ,been there done that and struggle with it everyday just like so many others. I am constantly told by big girls to "stfu"or "I don't want to hear it skinny bitch." Well to them I say NO!
We have every right to bitch or feel insecure about our weight as they do because like it or not we are the same ladies. Skinny girls have the same thoughts big girls do. Here's what goes through my mind in a typical day. "Oh no my ass looks big, look at my stomach it's gross and flabby, my tits are sagging, look at these stretch marks, I'm not thin enough ,I look huge, I shouldn't have eaten all that food." The difference is I go run and exercise in excess or starve myself to lose it while some people  stress eat and compile more. Both ways are still damaging to our bodies.
We do this shit to ourselves because some asshole at Style or Cosmo or Victoria Secret  magazine said this is what is the acceptable size and slaps a picture of an emaciated white girl on the cover. When I say emaciated I mean that bitch is so skinny Ethiopian kids are lining up to give her their food!
Even J-Lo looks thinner now. I mean what is up with that Booty song? What booty? I didn't see much of a booty. I wanna see some Selena Quintanilla booty or some Nicki Minage or that tennis player Serena Williams! Now that's the booty I'm talking about and all very healthy, very beautiful women.
Ladies men do not look at us and think "Oh God she's fat or she has too many stretch marks" They mostly are not that shallow, they look at us like we are the only thing on earth when we are in that bedroom with them. They don't see our "flaws" or what we perceive as flaws. They see curves and beauty  and softness and a naked chick standing there ready to give it up. Trust me after that they don't care. Have you ever had a guy kick you out of the bedroom cause you had a little weight on you? No, you haven't cause you're naked and available; that's all they care about in that moment.
This is a ridiculous thing we do as a society, we break women down to the point that they feel that a size 4 is fat. When are we going to stand up and say enough! 
Fuck your photo shop bullshit. Men do not succumb to this peer pressure.  When was the last time you saw a guy look in the mirror and complain he had more chins than a Chinese phone book or that he felt fat? They don't ladies! They strut around like proud peacocks with their belly sticking out like it's  a contest for who's is bigger. They wear bad toupees,  they belch and fart and scratch their balls! This is not who we should be trying to impress. They have other things they worry about like erectile dysfunction but not weight.

So I say to all my beautiful ladies out there be proud of who you are and what you look like. Beauty isn't just one flower but several different flowers that make up a beautiful bouquet. If all the flowers were the same it would be boring. Your personality makes you who you are the rest is just a bonus. Embrace it and if someone doesn't  like it ...well they can go fuck themselves. You do you and remember it's all about that bass.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Jodi Arias trial

I try to stay away  from this crap but as I was scrolling (trolling) through Facebook  I came across an article about it and it was titled Life or Death what would  Travis Alexander want? I thought to myself seriously? Well I'm sure first off he would have rather not make that decision in the first place.  I'm  sure he wished he was alive but I also think it's  stupid to presume  what he would want for her.

The fact of the matter is on June 4th 2008 when she murdered him in cold blood she also murdered her soul and rights to continue her own life in my opinion. Why would we continue to let her live so that she can "suffer". Please she will not suffer  she will be fed and clothed and get exercise which is more than our vets got in Korea or Iraq. Why the fuck would we give her something better than they got?
She should  be given death I for one would not want to pay one more penny to the state for her trial or care. Fuck that,end of story, addios bitch.  Sorry that may seem crass but so is stabbing a man multiple times and slitting his throat and shooting him because of a breakup. This is not the act of an abused woman unless she is backed into a corner and even that is iffy. I came from an abusive relationship and I was scared to blink at him wrong let alone attack unless of course my child was involved.  They were broke up and I don't know about you but I don't go back to someone I'm scared will beat the shit out of me.
She needs to be put to death.
It was cold blooded murder a crime of passion perhaps or an act of vengeance, but not acceptable. One shot two shots to stop him yes but stabbing, shooting and slitting  the throat is a bit overkill parden the pun.
So when they asked what would a he choose life or death. .no one knows because only he could answer that and she made sure he didn't have a voice. Whether you believe in God then she will pay the price with her soul in hell for all eternity. If you believe in nothing after this life , then I think that's punishment too after all that's  what he got right ...nothing? An eternity of it.

Mercury in retrograde = life goes to shit

I'm not sure you guys have heard of Mercury in retrograde,but in case you haven't I'm here to enlighten you. ;) It is in retrograde between Oct 4th and 25th this fall. When Mercury goes into retrograde it is believed by some that everything in life seems to go wrong while some of you go along untouched by it.. This is because in the cosmos Mercury is the ruling planet of Gemini the twins who  as we all know is almost two different people at some times and Virgo who is very emotional. It is also the planet of communication so things we say to each other during this time often can become misconstrued and any form of electronic correspondence is also affected. I'm not saying this will happen to everyone all the time but occasionally it can and will whether you believe it or not.

In medicine it is associated with the brain, thyroid, lungs and sensory organs and nervous system helping to add to asthmatics issues among many other things and clumsiness is almost always an issue for me during this time. The Ebola outbreak here in Texas happened during this time and let's face it there were several mis- communications and mis handling as well.Mercury also rules over Wednesday and romance so don't be surprised if things go a little awry today.

With that being said it is suffice to say that it turns people into opposites of what they usually are and make people very emotional hence more arguments arise during these times. This time Mercury is here till October 25th and I am eagerly awaiting it to go away so life can resume as normal; well as normal as it can for me at least, being I'm not normal.

I had a friend the other day who actually explained a great idea to his boss and in very plain English and his boss looked at him dumbfounded like he was speaking Swahili. People sometimes cannot grasp what you are saying during these times; it's best to wait and try them again after it has passed. Electronics act stupid as well, case in point. Last time this happened Curt's car which is electronic mostly went to shit and we ended up getting a whole new engine, a friends water heater busted recently as well . Things get lost in email or mail like something I ordered the other day did; and life just becomes frustrating and today my Kurig decided it was going to die on me or at least act like it.

I got up this morning half awake, stumbling into the kitchen and pawing at the thing trying to get my coffee only to find it decided to squirt water out it's arse instead of it's mouth. I hit it a couple of times (don't judge me, yes I hit it) which tends to work with most things in life for me, computer acting up = hit it problem solved, vacuum acting weird =clean it and then hit it, children acting like asses = hit em and send them to their room. See the best things require violence at times, anyway back to the point.So I beat the machine in a violent rage for 7:30 am or as violent as one can get with no coffee and half asleep and it just spit at me!. So I flushed it's ass with CLR and lot's of water ,problem solved until the next Mercury in retrograde happens.

So when you feel like life is being unusually difficult or it feels like you should have stayed in bed today you're probably in retrograde. Some advise to heed during this time. Don't make major purchases or returns. Don't get upset if you shoot someone an email or text it may have been lost in the mix and they never saw it. Try to avoid any deep talks with a loved one and sometimes you may have to repeat yourself several times in fact to communicate during this time as people tend to take things the wrong way or just completely misunderstand. If someone offends you take it with a grain of salt that probably wasn't their intention they are just in the same boat you are at this weird and crazy time. And as I write this I did a dumb ass thing and grabbed a hot candle and spilled it all over me not realizing it was still lit. See just not a good day, let's send light and love and hope it improves.On the upside I don't need to go to the salon to dip my hands in wax.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Oh How the Angels weep

This week I am to attend a visitation for a co workers son who drowned this past weekend in an unfortunate kayaking incident. He was only 21 and had his whole life ahead of him. I cannot fathom having to bury a child, this is unnatural in the scheme of things. We are not programmed to bury our kids;we are supposed to go first. My heart goes out to her and his siblings in this tragic loss. It saddens me and rattles me to my very core.

We all have teenagers we complain about; children are at times a pain in our ass but always worth the effort. I would  do anything for my child, go above and beyond to ensure her future and happiness. I pray I never have to go through what this poor mom I know is dealing with now. It is unfair and terrible, but I know this woman and if she is anything she is strong. She will overcome this and survive, it's in her DNA it is who she is and at times though I don't agree with her or like her even  , I do admire her strength and determination.

With that being said I leave you with a poem I wrote for this occasion a poem that helps me understand this tragic event and a poem to help heal the heart.

Sweet Babe Of Mine

Oh sweet babe of mine, who lays there so cold like stone.
It was not meant to be your time, your soul was not that old.
I shall weep for my love so dear, yes my love I shall shed many tears.
Know this though although you've left me on this earthly realm,
I will see you once again and oh how my heart shall swell.
I send you off to heaven dear, I send you to our Lord,
where he will keep you safe for me; until my time comes forth.
So with that I say to you ,I will rejoice and dry up my tired eyes.
I only say I will see you again, there will be no goodbyes.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Even some animals eat their young

Ok I was awaken at 6:30 a.m. today by my teen who was supposed to have a ride to track this morning. I am still recovering from surgery and still on the reclining couch and unable to drive as of yet. My dear husband is just waking up to get ready for the day and this is the setting this morning in the Jones House. 
So she comes to me in a panic "Mom , mom my friend can't take me to track she ran out of gas." Well obviously giving her gas money at this time is pointless since she's empty already -_-  so I say hold on let me see if I can get you a ride?  Searching to see if my next door neighbor left and yep she has so then I say let me check my friend down the street.My daughter says then" Just let me take the car to school. " Crying and whining to me almost in a five year old tantrum. I bristle at the thought and say to her "Hell No! We are not having this conversation again at 6:30 in the morning! "Absolutely not I don't know about you guys but I don't feel at this point in my life that I feel comfortable with sending a pissed off ,late teenager with no license to school in my car that hasn't been paid off yet. Call me crazy but I'm making a judgment call here. So I procure a ride for her from my neighbor down the street  ( God  love her) and tell my child to be ready to go. She then whines again "I'm not ready!" Well why the fuck did you just come in here crying to me like you were? I yell at her to "Get ready now! It's  too early in the morning to test mommy's patience without my coffee Nicole unless you like your mommy in and orange jumpsuit and orange isn't the new black! "she then scrambles to get her shit together. 
 Then I realized my husband  is ready and fixing to leave so I say he can get you there in time and cancel her ride with my neighbor and again God love her for having the patience to deal with me this morning as well because she is almost my carbon copy in the personality department and I know her patience must be wearing thin today. We both know prison orange isn't a good look for us imps and we don't like tacos that much either we prefer sausage. I mean she is Cajun but that's neither here nor there. 
Anyways where was I ? OH YES ,back to the ungrateful one. Yes that is her nickname now ungrateful one or demon spawn; the jury is still out on that because I'm not entirely sure that 16 years ago when I passed out on that bottle of wine in my drunken stooper, if it was in fact my ex husband who knocked me up or the anti Christ, but for any of you who knew him (meh) same thing.
Anyways she now proclaims she has a ride with "said girl" who ran out of gas. Really?  What did she do, get on a magic carpet and fly over here? Did she magically fill up her tank or did she ever run out of gas at all? My child then walks out the door before I can say anything and out to the car where they drive off. I am livid at this point and tell my husband to never mind the ride it took care of itself. I then go get me a cup of coffee and pop another pain pill and sit  and ponder how I will punish her when she gets home for that little scene. You can get pretty creative when on drugs..just sayn.

I swear she should have been in drama or theater with the acts she puts on here. She is driving  me to the brink of murder and you know I do work in a funeral home things can be arranged.  Teenagers were developed by God to remind us of our humanity and test our patience but even some animals eat their young. Any of you out there that say "Oh not my baby ;my baby is sweet." Ha! Fools I say,you have been deceived, manipulated, lied to. The ones that act like angels are the worst. Trust me I know, they are they ones sneaking out at night doing God knows what with God knows who all the while you have no clue. If they aren't and they are really just sitting at home behind a computer desk be wary then they are surely plotting their revenge on what nursing home or attic to store you in the first chance they get; or they could be future serial killers. I don't know about you but I'd start watching to see if animals go missing, they could be sacrificing them to Satan to exact their revenge on you.
All in all teenagers are terrible so I say to all you mothers and fathers out there with pre teens this , enjoy it while it lasts those angels grow up to be demons soon. Good luck and God speed. 
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Monday, October 13, 2014

Going bat shit crazy

Well I am going on my second week of recovery and I am losing it. I can literally feel my life force being drained from me. I am so bored here in this house and going stir crazy. You see I am A D D and we can only sit still for so long. Vacation days mean time I have to figure out shit to do so I don't murder my family. Although that would be something to figure out when on a vacation.Hmm? No, anyways I just cannot deal with down time. 

I sit here watching Netflix day after day and I can assure you I have seen every scary movie worth seeing on there,The best by far is The Ward, I can also tell you how many cracks are in my walls, how many times you can crank call your old job before the receptionist threatens to call the cops (eight for the record) and how many times you can get your dog to chase a laser light before he just passes out. See really I am in all certainty going a bit bananas lately.

How do housewives do it? What do they do all day? I mean there are only so many times I can clean this house especially when recovering from surgery. I have even started dressing the dogs up and putting on Puppy time theater just to entertain myself. Aside from dressing the dogs in drag I may start to make sock puppets and charge the after school crowd a fee to watch as they loom outside my house to pick up their ungrateful heathens. I bet that will get rid of them or at least deter them for a bit. I may even do this in a robe and curlers and grab my neighbors cat to join in the fun while stand out side exclaiming come one come all for The Jones's after school Theater. Although thinking about this further may only get the cops called on me and land me in jail as a register pedo and then I will no longer be able to attend Chuck E Cheese parties with my grandchildren.

As you can see I definitely need to go back to work or find more stuff to occupy my mind that won't land me a show on Springer. Well tomorrow I go for my follow up and then hopefully back to the real world. Otherwise I may end up in a padded cell. : / 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

I am not a morning person

So here it is 5 am and I'm sleeping on the couch after my surgery last week because it's the only comfortable place and I suddenly hear a happy chirping.  Oh no it's 5 am shut the hell up you happy fucking bird. I lay there for a few minutes more and it starts again. What? No I'm trying to sleep. The bird doesn't care it's happy and chirpy and fixing to die little does it know. After about the 4th time I hear it I decided to get up and make it shut up.  I go out front  at 5:30 in the morning and pick up a plastic  planter and with me having surgery toss it as far as I can at the damn tree near my window. It slams into the fence and misses my mark and in retaliation the little fucker chirps at me (chirp chirp)  quickly followed by the sound of a fucking rooster two streets over. Only the rooster isn't at my window this happy ass bird is.

Oh you're dead you son of a bitch. I look up and see the moon still in the sky and it's dark outside. Why is this bird fucking awake?  He starts on that chirping  again so I think bb gun , yes we have a bb gun. Ooooo just let me get a hold of it and you're dead! I go to the garage half asleep trying to remain so , so that I might get to sleep again then I see the bb gun. I go over to it tripping over useless shit in the garage and I can't reach it. (Short people problems ) I've had surgery so I'm not going to reach for it..fuck this , I'm out. I go back inside and say fuck it the bird has stopped for now so I start to sleep again. That's when I hear it again (chirp chirp chirp).
Well you little bastard I  have no choice to lose my shit. I'm  tired and need sleep. I go outside armed with plastic dishes , planter pots and water bottles and proceed to chunk that shit at this tree . Surgery or not I am  nailing this shit. Finally with the last water bottle I  hit it and he goes flying out of the tree tripping out never to come back.  I'm  sure he'll shit on my car later but for today i can sleep. I win lose...fuck you stupid bird. Wait I'm awake now..who won? Well fuck

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

This little light of mine

It's  2 a.m. and I sit here alone on the couch in pain. My surgery was recently and I just sit here in the dark thinking  too much. Sure I'm  surrounded  by pain killers , but the type of pain I'm in cannot be killed. It's a pain that must pass on it's own. A pain masked by love and fake smiles a pain that is struggling every day to not show. I am careful to not let it rear it's ugly face because no one wants to see that now do they?
It's the same when they ask if you're ok today.  It's  just a passing greeting but no one wants to really hear how you feel.  Everybody lies, because the truth is I hurt and  I'm not okay and I'm terrified of life and if I am living it right.  These things fly through my head all the time. Everyone has a purpose here but we all ask ourselves what is my purpose?  Why am I here ?  Am I important to someone?  What if you don't have an answer so you just sit there and let the wheels turn until it drives you crazy. 
I suppose we all hit a crossroads like this in life, where we question everything.I want you , yes you reading this to know that you are not alone. Every human being on this earth has doubts and sadness and regret.It is how we handle it that makes us who we are. Some handle the sadness or emptiness by trying to fill it with others attention or love, some fill it with alcohol and drugs but this will never complete you. 
We do this and in doing this to ourselves only hurts us and those around us. No amount of attention or drugs will fix you. Only you can fix you, we have to find things that stir our souls. Things that make us feel alive and free, for me this is my writing. Far to long did I try the other roads and it led me only to destruction. Now when I'm sad I write, when I am questioning the universe I write, when I feel that I need love I write. I and only I can love me enough to fill that void. Do not expect others to free you for they will only damn you. 

Do something nice for someone and that is fufilling itself. I have had so many people help me and offer prayers during this difficult time and I thank you. It has meant so much to me, more than you'll know and in turn I will pay it forward helping those who do not ask but clearly need it. That I guess is why were are all here ,that is our purpose. We wonder why we are here and that is it, God has a plan for us, our little acts of love and kindness help people in unimaginable ways and bring light to the darkness. Never lose that ,because that's all we have deep down is that light inside us and that is what will make us whole.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Michele and Smeagol two very similar creatures today.

So they have me on a liquid diet now for surgery Friday and I'm a total wreck. I'm bitchy , cranky, Linda Blair scary right now. All day I could only eat thick soups and oatmeal and tomorrow only clear liquids. Come Friday morning for the surgery I'm going to be like The Hulk ready to pounce on the first person I see. I feel deeply sorry for the nurse.
Anyways I am not supposed to have any food but you can bet your ass after the day I had I wanted beer and chips. Well that was a no go I got cranberry juice and potato soup. Oh yummy! Well toward the end of the day I lost it and snuck into the pantry and grabbed a chip, mind you one single chip. Well my husband acted like I committed treason and I turned on him like a rabid pitbull. I snatched that chip up and slowly ate it savoring it and taking in all it's glory. It was the best chip I have ever had and I looked like Smeagol from Lord Of The Rings. My Precious I whispered to it as I caressed it and shoved it in my mouth. The only way you could have got it from me was to pry my cold dead hands off it.
Hopefully this will all be over soon and I can go back to eating food again. I can't wait to eat a big, juicy, burger or chicken fried steak. I am drooling. For everyone's sake pray they survive me.I love my food and take that away from me and you will see the bitch I truly can become.