Sunday, September 14, 2014

Death is never an easy thing.

As most of you know by now my other mother has passed away. It was sudden and unexpected and quite emotional for everyone. Wednesday I was called by my sister Lorra and told that mom was in the hospital and that she wasn't looking good. Thursday night I took my daughter to see her as I felt it may actually be the last time she would get to see her and I was right. Friday I left work early and when I got there they were starting dialysis to try and salvage her kidneys.Her liver was failing due to medications she needed. In short mom was a mess.Early Saturday at 3 30 a.m. I got a call from my sister that she had passed. There was nothing else they could do for her. Her body just couldn't fight anymore and her spunk was gone. Mom was tired and it was time to go home, time to see Dad, time to be free.
Some of you knew mom's heart was only operating at 25% so she had a pacemaker. Funny story about that. One day mom's cell phone went off near her boob and she quickly learned that pacemakers and cell phones are bad together.  Lol, it gave her a good jolt and us a damn good laugh.
I remember when we were driving to Dallas to see Dad in the VA hospital cause he had a stroke and Stacy my brother's ex was driving.My sister Marion and I were in the back seat ,mom in the front and Stacy driving when all of a sudden this car about 3 cars ahead of us spins out of control and flips literally backwards towards us.I think this is it were all gonna die together. Mom was freaking out grabbing her chest, I'm digging nails in my sister's leg and Stacy,well Stacy was on the phone watching it flip over us and all she could say after we cleared it was,,"Damn did you guys see that?! That was FUCKING COOL!" Then it wasn't funny, now it is. The look on mom's face was hilarious and I about shit myself and mom and I just laughed about it afterwards for years. That was "our "story our memory of the funny times. I choose to remember the good times with her. 

The times we did shots for dad after he passed even though heart patients shouldn't. The time she got her nose pierced and the tramp stamp she got in her sixties.  Mom was if anything a wild and crazy woman.She was a fighter for her kids and if you fucked with them the claws came out. She'd be on your ass like a pit bull ready to  pounce. I admired this woman even though she wasn't my blood, but by God she could have been. She possessed the same fire and spunk I see in myself and I felt like I was hers sometimes.
I don't want to remember going into that room that early morning seeing her lifeless and laying there with no more fire. I couldn't believe that this woman that I have known for so long was really gone. We swore God couldn't put up with her and the Devil was afraid of her so she'd be with us forever. That wasn't the case as we'd hoped.She was called home and I'm sure my dad was waiting , waiting for her to continue their daily conversation with their coffee and cigarettes on the porch. 

Who do I call now when my life falls apart? Who's going to tell me to get a grip and put my big girl panties on? What am I going to do without you?  Now Lorra and I will have to rely on each other for advise and courage to move forward in life. We will in some small part be like mom..tough as nails but know when softness is needed.
I love you mom ...we love you; and will miss you so much.

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