Sunday, September 28, 2014

8 things men wished women would stop doing.

Okay gentlemen it has come to my attention  that we as women  do certain things that annoy you as well ; you guys just don't  complain about it as much as we women do because let's face it , it would get you no where.
With that being said i will now list the top 8 things that drive men crazy about us women folk. Yes I said 8 because men seem to have less to complain about than us ladies.
1. We bring up old stuff.
It doesn't matter if it was yesterday  or 10 years ago make no mistake  you guys are correct  we NEVER forget it. As one of my guy friends  said and I qoute " You forget to put the toilet seat down and ten minutes later you're  in an argument about looking at some girl 3 years ago at petes piano bar. That is nuts."
2. Mood swings around that time of the month.
God love them they do put up with our crazy back n forth  mood swings when we are on our cycle. For this we salute you! Although men we also put up with mood swings from you as well when your team loses or you're out of beer. Just saying, let's move along shall we?
3. Feminism , it drives them bonkers. "Do I open the door for them? Do I pay for dinner?" Men are concerned  they'll  set us off now if they are polite. I agree with this belief that feminism is in some ways just plain stupid. I'm a southern girl and here in Texas we are just polite ;we like our doors held for us , we like being catered to occasionally ;go ahead pay for dinner.Why is it any different if a man does it for you than a female friend?  Just cause he's polite to you ladies doesn't always mean he wants something and even if he does that sure as hell doesn't mean he'll get it.
4. Nagging them to death.
Yes ladies i believe we do this on a weekly basis. I for one used too but after 10 years of marriage i just gave up. It didn't matter how much I nagged , he never listened anyways. So it became futile ;men say we should only have to tell them once. Well I agree but I also believe the sky is blue but that doesn't  change it, it's still a blue sky.
5. We bitch about them leaving the toilet seat up.
Oh ,yes sir we do! We complain because at 2 in the morning  when we get up to pee without turning the light on and sit down  in water , we become clearly irritated. You would too! Now i have heard guys say " If we have to put it down ,then she should put it up when done." That makes sense , but we like you guys let it escape our mind as well.
6. Over analyzing  conversations or everything. 
I know I do this occasionally   and it drives men nuts. I hate that I do this , we women all hate this. We go batshit crazy wondering what you meant when you made a comment about our makeup or hair. "Did he like it? Was he being ficicious?  I bet he thinks I look fat."  or my favorite  "he said he thinks I'm beautiful. Does he love me? He said he is lonely ; is he insinuating he wants me to fill that spot?" We are neurotic at times I grant you that but not all of women do this. Honestly some don't give a shit.
7.  Forgiveness and letting go of past mistakes.
We hold on to the hurt they caused us. We hold onto that shit like we were in the Land of Oz and it was those ruby slippers. We act like witches at times because of the hurt. It's not good for you or me and we need to send it light and love and let it go. Holding onto that only hurts us.
8. Complaining constantly and not appreciating them.
  It doesn't start out this way guys but we harbor all the resentment in us and unleash it on the little things  you don't do rather than see the things you do well. Now when things  are constantly  like this I say seek a therapist. Seriously  it's not a joke it's bad now, now she no longer sees you; she sees all the little things you've done to piss her off or wrong her and she's resenting you. It's not healthy and may or may not be warranted but regardless I would seek help now.
This was feedback that was compiled from several male friends of mine. If you have anything you'd like to add to it or share with me please feel free to email me at michele.jones76@gmail.com 
No death threats please. .lol

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Please don't litter but by all means kill yourself.

I was cleaning the house one day and happen to stumble upon a cigarette packet and as I picked it up to throw it away I read the side label that said : please don't litter. I laughed at this because the first thing that ran through my head was, don't litter but go ahead and smoke that poison.
I found this ironic that they expect you to care about the environment when you don't care about yourself enough to stop.
Now before some of you get all twisted up about this ;parden the pun , I need to set yall straight. My husband is a smoker ,it drives me crazy ;even after the Dr told him he needs to stop because he has the beginning signs of COPD he refuses to. I have been told that quitting smoking has been compared to quitting heroine. Now I wish people would stop using that as an excuse . Yes ,it may be very hard but I have known hardcore drug addicts that have quit drugs so if they can so can you. It's a terrible habit and one I would hope you wouldn't want to pass on to your children. 
I had an addiction to alcohol; now I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic but let's just say I drank so much the bloodwork came back that my liver was in bad shape. I was told to immediately stop and I did and it was hard. I got the shakes ,bitchy and irritated easily for the first couple of weeks but I did it for my health. I still have a beer here and there but not to the extent I was before.
We all have our vices but smoking is bad news. I don't like it but I live with it. I can't control someone else's actions anymore than I control the weather. I just found it funny that Big Tobacco thinks you should keep the environment clean but not your lungs.

10 things to absolutely never say to a woman

As I was running at the gym the other day minding my own business a gym mate came up and decided he thought it was a good idea to tell me that he noticed I had gained a little weight. He then said that it was okay because women who were too skinny were not attractive and that most men like a woman with some curves to her. "That's what makes her look like a woman." he said. I kept running taking it all in and was more than a little shocked at this. At first I was insulted,but then I understood he meant this as a compliment in some weird fashion. So with that being said I've compiled a list of things to NEVER under any circumstances tell a woman if you want to survive. So here it goes; pay attention gents.

1. "Have you been getting sleep? "
Do not ever ask a woman this guys, it's like saying to us "Hey, you look like shit today and that makeup isn't helping." We instantly want to strangle you.

2." So what's for dinner?"
Haha, seriously? I'm sorry I was unaware that the cook died and put me in charge.

3. "Well I assumed you knew"
Oh boy, that opens a can of worms right there. Never assume we know everything, between cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping and child rearing and work we pretty much are burnt out and some tidbit of information that you may have told us previously has escaped our mind, along with a few marbles and that hamster that was powering the wheel.

4. "Do we have to go visit your mom, dad, family etc"?
Yes, yes you do! If we have to endure your mom constantly belittling us and asking us why we don't come see her every week and listening to her tell us how to cook,clean and wipe her baby's ass,then by God you have to hear our mother do the same thing.No questions,no complaints just do it,end of story.

5. I didn't know what size to buy after you had the baby so I bought one size fits all.
Really?! Well your best best boys is to go with a gift card and stay away from that conversation completely. Unless you want us to go to the store and buy you condoms in extra small only to have you put it on in the bedroom and choke your mini me till he passes out. Not a pretty picture, not a confidence booster for you. If the extra small fits you had better be thankful you have a significant other that appreciates you. You are truly blessed.

6. "Honey, is it that time of month?"
Ohhhhhh damn,back up and retreat to a safe distance now! If you have chocolate or wine now's the time to pull it out of your magic hat guys or you may be pulling a foot out of your arse. We undoubtedly are moody creatures at certain times of the month, but just because we have an attitude with you doesn't mean we are all on our period. This is almost always brought up and nine out of 10 times we are moody because of dumb ass questions like this one.Do we ask you if you're having your man cycle when you've had a bad day? No , we just chalk it up to you're being an arse and we move on.

7. "Do you really think you should wear that at your age?" 
Worse than number 5. You obviously have a death wish at this point and no amount of backpeddling will save you. Be prepared to take the full wrath and refer to number 6.

8."So when are you due?" 
dun ,dun, dun... this is funny as hell for the third party witnessing this but not so much for the people involved, especially since the guy asked a girl who wasn't pregnant! I have witnessed this first hand and the only way to describe the look on the ladies face was that of a Linda Blair scene where her head spun around and she projectile vomited because this lady looked really pissed when asked this and declared she wasn't pregnant. The guy looked kinda like this

9. I've noticed you've gained weight ,curves look good on a woman.                                       
NO NO NO......NO
And finally lastly number 10!

10.Are you sure it's mine?                                                                                                        

Get ready for court,child support and your very soul stripped away after a comment like this. She will undoubtedly take you for everything you have after basically insinuating she was slutting it. I hope you have no plans for retirement or vacations in the near future because you will be spending that money on her new nails and car for at least 18 years now.                                                                

Well gents I hope this article has helped you learn what to say or better yet not say to a woman. We are sensitive creatures and think of this as a guideline or sort of rule book to at least part of our  psyche. Good luck and good day.                                                                                                   
                                          

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Wake me up when September Ends

I had to wake up at 4:30 this morning to get my daughter to her track meet. The last time I woke up that early was when mom died needless to say I'm not a fan anymore of early morning.
As I was driving back home down my desolate road thoughts were spinning in my head about that day I had to drive to see mom and drive home. I felt an overwhelming sadness and pain that I cannot make go away but only go through it until it becomes a numbness in my heart.
It's hard when you lose a loved one ,no amount of hugs or I'm sorry for your loss comments will fill the void that is left inside you. There's always this dull ache of longing for this person. You could be surrounded by a thousand clowns and it wouldn't make you crack a smile.
Unfortunately that is the price we pay for love ,knowing that when we love someone so much eventually we have to let go because nothing lasts forever. All I can tell you is to cherish the moments you have like they are your last because one day they will be. It could be today ,tomorrow, next week or next year.

I also recently found out that I do not have cancer thank God but a rather large cyst with a tumor inside but it is benign. I was freaking , we all were and didn't know what would happen. Now I just have to have surgery to remove it. This will not beat me. It did however make me think long and hard about my life and what I wanted from it.
That's the thing about life it's ever changing and likes to throw you curve balls. You just have to be ready to catch them and if you don't it's ok. If it knocks you down you get up again, dust yourself off and proclaim "you throw like a bitch" and get right back at it. We are after all only human and fragile at times but we are also the most amazing creatures as well. There is strength in us when we call upon it ,you just need to summon it. When you're hurting or mourning it's ok ,this too shall pass. It's just a part of this beautiful wonderful life of ours, our messy ,crazy , indescribable at times life. You only get one so make it count because you can blink and it has passed you by and you look back and wonder where the time went and wished you could have a do over. There are no do overs in life ,no EASY button , no tag backs. You get one shot ,just one and you have to make it count.
I stop now more often ,take in life. Watch people walking and enjoy or not enjoying their day. I take so much out of simple pleasures now like the rain falling or hearing the wind chimes outside or seeing children playing. I saw a guy behind me in a car today singing to himself and I smiled to myself.  The little things mean so much and I've learned to see beauty where some see none. I will not take life for granted anymore , I will stop and appreciate the little things, because it's all these little things that make life what it is.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Checklists for a strong relationship

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/12/check-list-for-a-heathy-relationship/

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Death is never an easy thing.


As most of you know by now my other mother has passed away. It was sudden and unexpected and quite emotional for everyone. Wednesday I was called by my sister Lorra and told that mom was in the hospital and that she wasn't looking good. Thursday night I took my daughter to see her as I felt it may actually be the last time she would get to see her and I was right. Friday I left work early and when I got there they were starting dialysis to try and salvage her kidneys.Her liver was failing due to medications she needed. In short mom was a mess.Early Saturday at 3 30 a.m. I got a call from my sister that she had passed. There was nothing else they could do for her. Her body just couldn't fight anymore and her spunk was gone. Mom was tired and it was time to go home, time to see Dad, time to be free.
Some of you knew mom's heart was only operating at 25% so she had a pacemaker. Funny story about that. One day mom's cell phone went off near her boob and she quickly learned that pacemakers and cell phones are bad together.  Lol, it gave her a good jolt and us a damn good laugh.
I remember when we were driving to Dallas to see Dad in the VA hospital cause he had a stroke and Stacy my brother's ex was driving.My sister Marion and I were in the back seat ,mom in the front and Stacy driving when all of a sudden this car about 3 cars ahead of us spins out of control and flips literally backwards towards us.I think this is it were all gonna die together. Mom was freaking out grabbing her chest, I'm digging nails in my sister's leg and Stacy,well Stacy was on the phone watching it flip over us and all she could say after we cleared it was,,"Damn did you guys see that?! That was FUCKING COOL!" Then it wasn't funny, now it is. The look on mom's face was hilarious and I about shit myself and mom and I just laughed about it afterwards for years. That was "our "story our memory of the funny times. I choose to remember the good times with her. 

The times we did shots for dad after he passed even though heart patients shouldn't. The time she got her nose pierced and the tramp stamp she got in her sixties.  Mom was if anything a wild and crazy woman.She was a fighter for her kids and if you fucked with them the claws came out. She'd be on your ass like a pit bull ready to  pounce. I admired this woman even though she wasn't my blood, but by God she could have been. She possessed the same fire and spunk I see in myself and I felt like I was hers sometimes.
I don't want to remember going into that room that early morning seeing her lifeless and laying there with no more fire. I couldn't believe that this woman that I have known for so long was really gone. We swore God couldn't put up with her and the Devil was afraid of her so she'd be with us forever. That wasn't the case as we'd hoped.She was called home and I'm sure my dad was waiting , waiting for her to continue their daily conversation with their coffee and cigarettes on the porch. 

Who do I call now when my life falls apart? Who's going to tell me to get a grip and put my big girl panties on? What am I going to do without you?  Now Lorra and I will have to rely on each other for advise and courage to move forward in life. We will in some small part be like mom..tough as nails but know when softness is needed.
I love you mom ...we love you; and will miss you so much.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Mortality and precious moments



Recently I have had to make a trip to see my other mother or step mother or not? Hmmm Well anyway I went to see her in the hospital or as I like to call her Mom. It's really a long story and I won't bore you with the details but let's just say we were once accepted to Springer. No joke, for real ,not lying.
Anyways getting to the point.So I went to see her with my sister Lorri. Mom is really sick right now and the usual piss and vinegar woman I know is not there and in her place is this fragile and sickly looking woman.
I am standing there at the foot of the bed alone in this sterile , dark room in CCU and as I stand there staring I am coming to grips with my own mortality.  It hits me in that instant that one day this will be me ,one day I will be the one who had so much spunk lying there docile as a new born pup. I will have come full circle then. I realise that we all have this fate and that life is ; if anything precious and short and ironic as fuck. We repeat the same patterns over and over again and it doesn't occur to us till that certain ah ha moment or the "oh shit" moment. That moment of realization that we ,every living thing on this earth all have an expiration date. We are not immortal and we speed through life so hurriedly just to get through the work day that we are old and in a hospital bed before we know it while our children look at us and have the same thoughts.
Why do we do this? Why rush through our life? Children are so eager to grow up and adults so eager to get home that we forget to stop and take the time to appreciate the small , tiny ,insignificant things in life. Things like sitting there on our porch on a chilly crisp day and listening to the wind blow the trees and smell the dew in the air and to feel the breeze on our skin giving us goosebumps. Even in the sad time there are moments that we should appreciate and admire. The time while being sad you hold on to the fact that at least you were alive to feel the sadness creep in to feel the pain. Life without sadness and pain is not a life truly lived.We cannot avoid these things it is what makes us stronger individuals than before. Pain pushes us to move forward to rebuild our beliefs and our souls after they have been tore apart, making us stronger.   We take these things for granted everyday,  but not everyone.  There are those few who have come so close to death ,who have dealt with their own mortality and survived that they now take that time. Cherishing every waking minute they have now because at one time tomorrow was not promised.
I want to be like that and now I do stop and revel in the moments , the sad ones , happy ones , weird ones. I stop and I take it all in and hold on to it as lkng as I can before it slips away like sand through my hands. We are all here because of time , we exist because of it . Without time life would cease to exist. When faced with your own mortality these things in life that seem so big at the time suddenly seem so small and you understand what really matters . So if for some reason you see me staring out into a void don't worry about me ,I'm right as rain. I'm just taking it all in. With that I would like to end with this my favorite qoute by Hemingway,he was a brilliant man.
"But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person had died for no reason.