Monday, July 14, 2014

Six things I learned from a rough life

1. Money isn't everything.
I grew up with nothing. .literally.  We were so poor that we lived in a clap board house in the middle of a barrio that was once a prominent neighborhood but as with all economic downturns became the wrong side of the tracks. I didn't have my own bed room ,I slept in a dining room and had a small broken black n white t.v, I didn't have my own phone we shared one in the kitchen and as for food we were lucky that grandma was  inventive. Shit on the shingle was popular. For any of you who aren't familiar with that meal...well its a navy thing. My grandpa was in the navy and that's how he met grandma. Anyways being poor made me appreciate what I have today but I know I can survive without it.
2.Family is important
I was raised with my grandparents and mostly by them. Mom was a nurses aid and worked odd hours. I cherished the time I had with my grandpa and grandma. They were everything to me. I loved going to the Brazos for the summer where we had a trailer near the river and I loved playing outside.  I swear I caught everything toads , lightning bugs , snakes you name it. I still love the outdoors to this day. Wouldn't have guessed that to look at my prissy ass would you?
3.Trust is a big thing
Where I grew up wasn't easy.  I was one of a handful of white kids in my school.  Seriously if you looked at my class pictures you could point me out immediately.  I was like a grain of rice in a field of beans. I stood out , so much that I learned to run fast and eventually fight hard.  I learned that not everyone is my friend just because they smile at me. Sometimes they're smiling cause they knew what they were going to do to me later. Needless to say that I learned the hard way who I could trust and who I couldn't and if I could trust you ,well I had your back to the end my friend and to this day still do.
4. I'm a survivor
See paragraph above. Yes I learned to adapt to my environment and survive it. I learned Spanish and I learned to fight. I hung out with gang members to fit in and they accepted me surprisingly.  They even nicknamed me. Some you still call me this name. I learned to be cunning and to blend in. Now I like to stand out because for years I was forced hide who I was as to not draw attention to myself.
5. Jealousy will destroy you if you let it.
I grew up with my sister.  We were 8 years apart and that was hard on us both. We never really connected because of the age difference.  I looked at her as more of a nuisance than a sibling. I was insanely jealous of her because her dad was with my mom but my dad couldn't be. I thought it unfair and I felt excluded a lot and that drove me to dislike her. It wasn't her fault but I was a child and I resented her so I locked her in closets and smacked her around every chance I got. For this I'm sorry for this I'm sure I'll pay my karma. I love her to the moon and back now and every now and again I still feel that old pang of jealousy when Mom still seems to love her more than me. That's ok though I've learned to deal with it. We all have our favorites regardless of what we say and I'm just not hers. She's still my sister and I'd do anything for her.
And finally
6. You have to love yourself in order to be loved.
Sounds silly I know but this is true. You cannot expect someone else to love you if you don't love yourself.  I have been through some terrible relationships and all the while I had such a low self esteem of myself I thought it was acceptable to let someone else treat me like crap. It took me many years and counceling  of physical and mental abuse and dealing with a drug addicted boyfriend to realize that I didn't need their shit and that it was time to get my own together.  So ladies think more of yourself than to stay with some jerk who says you're lucky to have him and no one will put up with you.
So these are some important things I learned in life. I hope they give you a better understanding of me.

No comments:

Post a Comment