Saturday, June 28, 2014

Waxing vs Waterboarding

Today I had an experience of a lifetime.  I decided to help out a friend and myself at the same time. I agreed to be her model and I got a free waxing called Sugaring. Now if you've ever been waxed down under , then this probably will be a walk in the park for you ,however I have never had any waxing other than my brows so it was very interesting to realize I must me a masochist. 
So there I am lying on the table in not but a towel and awaiting my beauty regimen. She sugared me and then pulled out the wax. Here we go! She starts with my underarms which wasn't pleasant unless you are into that kinda thing but still tolerable. Keep in mind I have tattoos and pain is no stranger to me but when she started to wax my nether region I believe that I would take a tattoo any day over that again.
I literally shoved a towel in my mouth and bit down to stifle the blood curdling scream that emanated from my mouth. Did I mention I went through childbirth as well?
Anyways as I'm laying there the thought occured to me that WE as a country can actually use this as a torture method to extract information from terrorists. I mean seriously think about this a minute. Taliban members would lose it! They would gladly give  up any information after the first wax strip was applied. (Please, no more I tell you anything! ) If they don't cut their beard I'm sure they have a jungle going on down there and one time would be enough. 
Also we cannot consider it inhumane because if we do this as women to our own bodies to "beautify" them how could it be?
It's the perfect torture technique and let's face it ladies men cannot handle the amount of pain we can so they wouldn't stand a chance.
All in all though this was way painless than regular waxing I was told and definitely better for sensative skin so I recommend you try it at least once ..just to experience it. Pain makes us stronger and we as women are certainly no stranger to it. Now you guys.... think about this form of torture the next time you piss us off. Remember ,you have to sleep sometime.  ;-)

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Wolves in sheep clothing

There was a story someone once told me. It went something like this..
A little bird was flying south for the winter.  It was so cold; the bird froze up and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.  As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.  The dung was actually thawing him out!  He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are:

Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
And so when you're sitting there fat and happy in warm in the shit you've created. Keep your mouth shut!

This couldn't be more true.
I have also realized that not everyone that claims to be my friend is not a friend and your enemies can be also your greatest allies. Don't trust to freely in this world because more times than none people would rather see you down than happier than them and so they do what they can to destroy your lil bit of happiness.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

My heart is breaking

Sometimes  life throws you lemons and you can make lemonade or you can just sit there and let your heart break. Well that's what I'm doing today ,letting it break a little. 
"That's the thing about demands to be felt. "

Monday, June 23, 2014

A beautiful rainy day

Good morning my friends!  It's a beautiful rainy day to call in sick and just enjoy the day. If there's one thing I've learned in this business of funerals is tomorrow is not promised so don't feel guilty about what you do today. Life is short. ..grasp it.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Funny how things change

Well here it is almost four years later,sorry I've been in a Facebook coma. It took an act of betrayal to get me out of it. Long story... I am still on FB ,but really do not care much for it now.Instead I want to blog,after all that's what I'm good at..talking.
So since I recently came out of this coma it has been made clear to me that I was in a haze, a half ass friend, like so many others.Here's how it goes you join,you scroll through peoples lives,detached,unavailable as a real friend to any of them because you no longer have to personally socialize and you  like all their pictures of the food they've eaten, where they went, who their friends with and where they're going. It's stupid really and it took me four years to realize it, to realize they stole my life. Four years I can't get back because I allowed myself to be overcome by the peer pressure of social media.

I know what you're thinking (what is she doing right now?She's blogging on a social media site.Gasp!) Why yes I am, the key word here being Blogging.  I am not scrolling through useless pictures and posts about like if you love Jesus,like if love animals, like if you hate Cancer. Who would't like that? I mean CANCER sucks so I gotta like that, maybe it will help find a cure like they promise if I just Like their damn page? Ha! Fat fucking chance at that,but it was a valiant effort. What I'm getting at here is some where along the way I lost touch with life, it was easier than I thought.I found myself looking at pictures on Instagram and news posts looking for a damn like button inadvertently that was never there and when the neighbors came over I found myself scrolling again and checking us in somewhere because God forbid if I didn't check in then it never happened. Till one day just because I was tired of the depressing stories and stalker people I decided to SHUT IT DOWN. Oh yes I did and you know what ? It was liberating! I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, chains broken,I stepped out to see the sun in a proverbial sense and it was awesome!

So now here I am ranting and raving to you good folks and I find myself wondering if I can do this,will you be able to as well? Don't get me wrong I love seeing an occasional update on my friends if I don't have lot's of time,but you have to set limits or before you know it all your real friends are gone and you're left with a bunch of mindless zombies constantly clicking LIKE buttons and checking out Vine clips instead of REALLY getting to know you. Do yourself a favor ,set down the phone, walk away from computer (after reading this blog of course) and go for a walk, talk to your neighbor,get some air and sun. Do anything but sit there looking at FB the mind and soul sucking evil all day
.Ask yourself do you even remember who you were before it?