Thursday, September 22, 2016

A new chapter

In two days I move.....

In two days I start a new life...

In two days we move in together ❤

In two days my world and his change as we know it now....

In two days I will have what I've waited a lifetime for...true happiness with someone who genuinely loves me.

I'm both excited and terrified of the prospect of a new beginning.  I am a creature of consistency, I do not do well with change. Funny, even as I type that I know it's a lie I tell myself to shield myself from possible pain. If I were afraid of change and didn't like it I suppose I would still be in the place I was 2 years ago and miserable still. Instead I'm here, happy,scared and thriving in my life. I am excited to take this journey and at my age it's not the easiest but I'm still young enough to get a second chance at life and love. If there is anything I can relate to you from this article is this...don't ever settle, keep moving though life, try new things, step outside of your comfort zone, besides what have you really got to lose? I only lost my unhappiness.
Wish me luck guys......

Monday, September 5, 2016

Fate,life and other scary things

I'm a firm believer of Don't Tempt fate, hover to close to the edge and yes you might fall, keep the things you love close to you before you lose them... be smart. Although every once in awhile I like to teeter on the edge of danger, hell sometime I'll even leap like this year.I'm going to take a big leap of faith and pray it all turns out okay, after all in the end what's the worst that can happen I've been through it all.

It's good to take chances and risk something, otherwise what a blah and boring life this would be. It's ok to fail and something as long as you tried and who knows even with a pessimistic person like myself I may succeed! The point is you'll never know unless you try.

So here I sit at 7 am drinking coffee and blogging while trying to get ready for work,boiling eggs for lunch and applying makeup. If anything I am a multi tasker just not very good at it. I am getting ready to start a new job and a new phase in my life and I am terrified. I move I'm September in with my boyfriend who ice been seeing a while. I love that man with all my heart and that terrifies me too.
When you love something it's easier to lose and if you lose it ,it may drives you insane or break you. That is what we are all terrified of but we must push on and follow through or live with a world of what ifs.
In short make the most of your day and your life. Push on ,take risks and leap! In the end all that can happen is you fail and failure is just another word for experience as the great Oscar Wilde said himself.

"Experience is the name we give our mistakes." ❤

Friday, July 8, 2016

Police Lives Matter

In the headlines today I see key words like BLACK, WHITE AND POLICE. Just the fact that I and other see those key words testifies to the fact that the media is doing a fabulous job inciting racial tensions. I'd like to also say congratulations to you, the reader because you.... as I have become a successful part of the media game for noticing, congrats you are now a SHEEP.

We have allowed the media to seduce us with words like this to stir rage and hate in ourselves and toward others. We are being out smarted because we are too lazy to think for ourselves and now they have caused chaos in peoples lives yet again. The shootings that took place yesterday were a travesty and sadden my heart. Those officers may have been white but they had families just like you and me. Who's to say that they didn't have African American family members, Hispanic etc... So did this guy do research on who he was killing? No! He just aimed and shot them because of the color of their skin. You don't have to be white to be a racist, racism comes in all colors and creeds.

 I'm tired of hearing this day to day bullshit about that cop shot that guy cause he was black. In some cases that may be true but 9 out of 10 times it's just because they were being idiots and doing something wrong, but the media only shows you what they want you to see and not the fact that cops kill all races because of their actions,and more african american males kill each other than police in the U.S. You do not get arrested for doing nothing, you were in a bad place at bad time doing stuff you shouldn't have and you think you don't have the right to be arrested? Seriously? If I jump a fence and land on private property, if I break into a house, if I beat someone for drugs, assault a police officer, resist arrest , then I'm going to jail just like you. There are no color boundaries, it's a matter of right and wrong and no one has taught these criminals, white, black, hispanic or asian right from wrong growing up or they simply don't care. Here is a link to the 2011 statistics of police related deaths and race, clearly whites at the top of the list with 68 percent.  Department of Criminal Justice
It's time to stop blaming race as the factor when what it is , is today's society not willing to take responsibility for their actions.

In closing I would like to ask that you take a moment to pray or send healing vibes to the families of the fallen. I cannot imagine someone telling me that my husband or wife were dead because they tried to do their job. If you have family in law enforcement, hold them tight tonight because it could be your last day with them. If this keeps up we may not have anyone to help us when we are in need...then what? Who will come to our rescue? I certainly wouldn't blame them for not responding.
With that being said I want you to leave you with these key words and mull them over a bit.DON'T BE A SHEEP!

hate crime
  1. a crime motivated by racial, sexual, or other prejudice, typically one involving violence.

  1. the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.
    • prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.

FOOTNOTE: A telemarketer called my boyfriend today posing as a Dallas Police Department representative asking for donations for the fallen officers. When we asked for a number he gave us an 877 number that seemed shady. I advise you to donate directly to the Dallas Fallen Officers Foundation . Please feel free to click the link bellow to take you directly to their website.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

It's a woman's Brave

Being divorced or being single is different when you're in your forties than it is when you're in your twenties. When you're in your twenties you're lonely and sad you want someone to hangout with, you want to party.When you're in your forties you relish the peace and solitude of being alone, you don't have to come home and cook for anyone, you don't have to answer to anyone; you can finally relax and enjoy your life and get to know yourself. In your twenties this is almost virtually impossible you still don't even know who you are and you certainly don't want to take the time to "soul search" at this age. Mostly you just think about why you were dumped or why you divorced and then quickly move on to the next new relationship without much regard to why the last one failed. I can say this because that's what I did. It wasn't until my late 30's that I was more cautious as to whom I dated. I questioned everything, watched for red flags just to make sure I didn't end up in the same situation I did ten years prior. 

Now I've found peace with myself and what I want out of my life. I found in that process; the love of my life and I am content with myself and happy with my life finally and it only took me 39 years to get here! I am more apt to take risks, not put up with anyone's shit and leave a situation if I need to because I grew to be strong. I now know that I can do it on my own, that I don't "need" a man but I know that I want the one I have.This is the most invigorating feeling a woman can have, to know she can do it all on her own and survive. We are more sure of ourselves now than we were twenty or fifty years ago, it's a woman's world now.

Eleven years ago I was scared that I couldn't make it alone, so I jumped into a marriage that wasn't right for me but seemed to benefit us both at the time. Eventually the benefits wore off like so much cheap jewelry and all that was left was a tarnished mess, a remnant , a shadow of a marriage that was hollow. We had nothing in common and for the love of God I couldn't figure out why I ever did what I did, but it was too late. Leaving that marriage was the best thing for me and him and our children, because everyone suffers not just you. I was silly thinking that if I stayed it would be better for the kids. I felt I was being selfish to want happiness, but why? Did I not deserve love, affection, appreciation? Finally it was enough and I couldn't do it anymore and now here I am. peace. Ladies,leaving a bad relationship is almost the equivalent of a death. 
Yes, there will be loneliness, sadness, anger, guilt and finally peace. There is a type of mourning for it all, but in the end me you'll be better off for it.

I talked myself out of living for too many years, but now there's no holding me back. I am only moving forward and YOU can too. Don't be afraid, be brave...go ahead...I DARE YOU. ; )

Monday, May 9, 2016

Staying in touch with friends is good for your health

Recently I had someone tell me that I needed to work on my friendships. At first I was offended , I was insulted and hurt. Then as some time passed I slowly begun to see what he meant. What he meant was it's good for your health for your mental stability to maintain some kind of contact with other humans in your life... you just can't shut everyone out of your life and expect to be healthy and sane. You have to have somebody to talk to ,to listen to your problems, to understand where you're coming from, it's essentially free therapy. Everybody needs somebody to talk to and so today I went outside of my depression box that I love to hole myself up in and I went to my friend's house. The reason I didn't want to go to my friends house was because she was actually my next door neighbor ,my ex husband still lives next door to her and it would just be quite awkward. Today I didn't give a shit though, today I felt a little rebellious and I'm glad I did. It was good to see them they were actually happy to see me . I'm surprised considering the fact that I had abandon them completely about 6 months ago when I went through the divorce, it just felt weird ;it's like he got them in the divorce and then I realized that I can't let him win. These are my friends too and I'm taking them back, no I'm taking back my power. I will not be intimidated by him to avoid my old life because it doesn't mesh with his new one. Let's face it ..we all know I was the fun one anyway. Lol
Later that evening I saw another friend and visited with her a while and that felt good too. She's going thought a lot no one knows about and before I left the neighborhood I kinda had a support system going for us all. When someone was sick or needed help we were all there for each other. I even named us the Heatherglen hoodrats, but when I left and even before as my marriage crumbled so did our camaraderie. That was the biggest blow to me,worse than the divorce was the friendships I had established... I let fall apart in my depression,we all did. Well I'm going to try and fix that now if it's not too late.
That's why it's healthy to maintain friends. You don't have to spend every waking moment with them but time to time check in on them when you're thinking of them and let them know you care. It can mean the world to them, I know it does to me when people think of me.
So now I see what he meant when he said I needed to spend time with other people besides him. Its not that I'm getting on his nerves but there is a certain satisfaction seeing old friends and catching up. So do me a favor, if you're thinking of someone;text them or call or swing by and let them know you care. You could actually save a life and not even know it.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Social media ...the devils playground.

Over the past several years I'm sure we can all agree that the internet has grown immensely and also has shaped our lives and our kids lives in one way or another. It has brought people together and also has torn them apart. Social media is what I refer to as the "devils playground." We have access to so many people, media, things, that it is overwhelming. It has caused people to also disconnect from reality. We don't talk to one another In person anymore,we don't call. Instead we text,email and Skype. It teaches us and our children to disconnect from emotions and reality and you wonder why children snap and kill crowds of people without remorse? WE DID THIS! That's right WE as a society as a whole WE trained them to be this way,to be desensitized. I see people hand their babies cell phones and IPADS to play with as a distraction instead of blocks and checkers and legos. We teach them to log on to an object and stare blankly into it. You defend it saying it teaches them! No! You teach them! Quit being lazy.
The Indians and certain cultures believed that if you allowed someone to take a picture of you it would steal your soul, well the same can be said of computers and phones. We allow our kids to "log on" and log out of the real world. We too do this and I myself am guilty. I have a Facebook addiction as do many of us. Its okay to look at the internet ,it's just not okay to look at it first thing in the morning before you have had your coffee or said good morning to your family. Come on you know we all have done this and it's sickening really. I am learning to let it go slowly. For instance when I'm out with my man I don't feel the need to check in all the time. I share many experiences with him and don't post it all on social media. Other things I do share and then I think how presumptuous of me to assume that everyone gives a shit about what I'm doing. Who am I? Princess Michele? No I think not... No one cares what I'm doing with my life and if they do...well they need to get their own back. I don't care that you ate food today,in fact I assume you did. I don't care if you checked into a certain place...that's your business not mine and if I was a good friend you would call me and tell me about your day instead of posting it. I'm short it needs to stop.
We constantly say that our kids are ungrateful, can't relate to us, expect everything handed to them. Well we did this to them, they learned instant gratification from the world wide web. My God do you remember what it was like to go outside and play, to feel the wind on your face and ride your bike until dark. Our curfew was when the light posts came on not when mom and dad called our cell phone or texted us. We ate at the dinner table and talked about our day, there were no toys allowed at the table and a phone is a toy. We had to sneak to the kitchen to call someone and if we wanted privacy we hoped we had a very long cord to take it to our room and lock the door. We yelled out our window to our friends to play, if we hear a kid yelling now we assume they are being murdered since everyone texts each other. We are becoming estranged from humanity and in turn we do bad things.
Please do me a favor today after reading this put down your phone, iPad etc. Take your kids phone away too and go outside... it's a beautiful day. Log off of Facebook and Instagram for one day I challenge you. If you can do that ,well there just may be hope for mankind after all.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Divorce the final frontier

Today I finalized my divorce , it wasn't a walk in the park or anything but it felt good to close that chapter of my life. I also realized it was the right decision and I was never more sure of that than today. It started out with him texting me asking me when and where. I explained he needn't show it was all signed and agreed upon and it was a formality to just have the judge sign and date it. No, of course he had to say, but it's a momentous occasion and I wouldn't miss it for the world. -_-
He was going to be a DICK...awesome! (insert fake enthusiasm here)  I bite my lip give him the address yet again and be on my merry little way. I know what he wants , he wants a rise out of me. Why is the question? I mean I am giving him everything basically just to be able to walk away sane, well...sane enough.

We get to the courthouse and thank God my friend came with me for support. I also spot another friend that works there. She consoles me and says it will all be okay and to ignore him, welllll that is hard to do for me, it's just not in my DNA. I am an open mouth insert foot gal, but I was pretty good today mostly because I don't look good in orange jumpsuits and I like my makeup. So here we are waiting for the doors to open at 8am and here he strolls in hand, me wanting to shove it in his smug little face. I bite my lip and think of unicorns and puppies....devouring him...i mean happy fluffy puppies! (Ahem) Anyway he strolls in all non chalant like and I don't even look his way. I won't give him the satisfaction today. GO FUCK YOURSELF   I think to myself and smile so big that the moon was envious. He's not getting to me today, these days are over and I have a bright future ahead of me now. We go in sit down and wait to  be called to court. As While we wait he proceeds to bitch at me about closing a joint credit card account we had together because of his inability to pay, or ignorance..whatever. I apologize but explain I had no choice and we were going to close it anyway eventually and yes I understand our credit took a ding, yeah yeah yeah. It's a divorce bub NEWS FLASH!! that happens. I explain to him that the beautiful gold wedding band I bought him can fetch a decent price if he were to sell it and he could pay it down some. He turns glares at me and say "You worry about you and I'll worry about me" I literally want to burst out laughing at this because not two days before I joked with my boyfriend about that statement. A little girl on YOUTUBE has a clip where she tells her dad "You worry bout you, YOU DRIVE!!!"

 She is so cute and hilarious I just want to start laughing in his face. He sounds like that 3 year old, bahahahaha, I then realize yes this 50 year old man is throwing a tantrum and I laugh internally. I'm over this and ready to move forward. I don't understand why he's being an ass when he has a girlfriend and has moved forward too? WTH hell man don't you want this to be over as well? This is almost over I say to myself and then they call us. We go up to the bench we answer some questions and the judge wasn't too impressed with his attitude either. He stamps it signs it and we're off! Yissssssss, I'm free!!!! I feel like this...
So then we leave the courtroom and I proceed to the bathroom where he then stays behind and then bashes my good name to my friend. My friend abruptly puts him in his place and sends him away where he gets his unhappy ass on an elevator and leaves my life forever. FIN 

That 's all the time we have  for today's short story on divorce children...join us next week on how to get away with murder. :)